"Our life is shaped by our mind; we become what we think."
This is the opening line of the first verse in The Dhammapada,
which is collection of verses representing the teachings of the Buddha.
A symbol of beauty and awakening, the lotus flower grows up out of the mud to bloom into her greatness.
My self-healing story
I would like to share a true story with you. I grew up in a middle sized town in Iowa where I attended a private Catholic School. My family was financial pretty poor. I was grateful that we had to wear uniforms but even with uniforms, sweaters and accessories were a source of distress. I always felt intimidated by other girls my age and their fancy clothing and accessories. There were other events in those days that deepened my thought patterns that I was less than them and that I was not really liked. I carried that thought of not being as good as other girls and being intimidated by girls with me for over 30 years. And just as coincidence, I drank heavily for most of those 30 years. And then one day, I believe in Divine intervention :), when i was 45 years old, I decided to become sober. At the time, it was the hardest thing that I had ever done. I started doing yoga to calm down in the evenings so I could relax a bit and sleep. At first the yoga was just physical postures, but I realized there was something really cool to being in the moment with my body and mind in the postures. And this led to sitting on the cushion, meditation. And in meditation I started to watch my mind with it's endless loops of thought patterns. During this time, of letting go and becoming what I might be, I picked up the fiddle and started playing the fiddle. One day, I signed up for Fiddle Camp, a week long fiddle intensive that was mainly young kids as beginners, and middle grades and high schoolers as intermediate and advanced players. I was a beginner. I was 1 in maybe 5 adults that took the camp and I was the only adult in my beginner classes. I was ok with this, not at all intimidated by these young kids, just enjoyed them, but when it came time for lunch, to sit at tables with chairs my size, I had to sit with the middle and high school girls. I couldn't, I was totally intimidated by them. They were pretty, and they played really good fiddle. Wow, I couldn't hardly believe it. So I went home at the end of that first day and meditated. I sat, closed my eyes, followed my breath, and within a few moments, the whole scene from my adolescent days replayed in my mind, and I could see clearly the thought patterns that shaped my life. And within that meditation, an image or an energy body, of me when I was 10 years old and in grade school, wearing the school uniform, got up off the meditation cushion and walked away. As this young girl got about 8 feet away from me, she turned around and waved good bye.